Hi all! If you were the office manager,will you take a considerable time to look at my resume? And how do you think I can improve my cover letter? Pls feel free to indicate anything improper.Thank you very much!
Job Ad:
http://ejobcentre.nus.edu.sg/Jobs/jobdesc.asp?type=0&eid=4763291&jid=2142943&did=314&its=0&src=8&itn=
Job Title: Internship (7 Dec 09 to 9 Jan 10) with Hays Specialist Recruitment Pte Ltd
Job Scope:
1. Adhere to company recruitment methodology, policies, procedures and Service Delivery standards
2. To sit in interviews with Consultants to gain some knowledge on interview skills
3. To assist Consultants in posting ads on job boards
4. To amend candidate records and resumes as required
5. To input and update all candidate and client information as requested in a timely manner
6. Accompany consultants on Client Visits as directed
Specific projects/learning outcomes:
1. Represents Hays in professional manner in all dealings with candidates
2. To understand the whole cycle of recruitment process
Requirement: Full-time matriculated students
=================================================================
September 6, 2009
Ms. Jennis Ng
Office Manager
16 Collyer Quay
#34-01 Hitachi Tower Singapore 049318
Dear Ms. Jennis Ng,
I have come to know that your company is recruiting integrated students for an internship from 7 December 2009 to 9 January 2010 after I was introduced to it by Ms Manjeet Kaur at the career office in the National University of Singapore. Here are some of the reasons why I believe I am qualified for this golden internship opportunity.
I am currently a year four student majoring in Statistics and minor in Financial Mathematics. Being a scholar from China, I have become a more resilent person through experiences such as learning to adapt to a totally foreign education system since my arrival in high school. In addition, to step out my comfort zone, with no prior knowledge in German language, I got the opportunity to study in Germany for one and half year under student exchange program and also to hold another scholarship there. Studying overseas made me a self-motivated person and a fast learner. Moreover, as a debater in the NUS Varsity Debate Team, I was able to hone my analyzing and presenting skills..
Apart from the experiences I gained in school, I also did a few internships in different industries, such as in IT Start-Ups, Sales and Marketing industries, which are located in Singapore, Malaysia, United States of America and Europe. During my vacation in 2007 and 2008, I assisted the same group of investors and entrepreneurs with research on business environment in the U.S.A and Europe respectively. I gained first-hand experience and had a good insight into the real business world at a global level.
After working in various industries, I realized how crucial recruitment consulting plays in company recruitment and personal career development. My career goal is to benefit others and I believe working in recruitment consulting industry is like no other, because helping match people to the right organizations will directly influence their lives and I could do it everyday at Hays.
Enclosed is my detailed resume. I believe I am a person who is capable and responsible to work for you, and I look forward to being granted a discussion with you regarding my application. Thank you very much for your consideration.
Yours sincerely,
XXXX
Kuok Foundation House,
Room XX,
XX Kent Ridge Crescent, Singapore 119280
Mobile: (65)xxxxxx
Email: XXX@nus.edu.sg
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Hello Dongfang,
ReplyDeleteyour application letter has all parts of a formal letter. The experiences you listed are really impressive!
However, there are some minor errors I would like to point out:
1)Your opening statement "After I was introduced to it by Ms Manjeet Kaur at the career office in the National University of Singapore, I have come to know that your company is recruiting integrated students for an internship from 7 December 2009 to 9 January 2010." Firstly, we do not know what is "it". It could be phrased in a clearer manner, like for example, "At the career office in NUS, Ms Manjeet Kaur, the __(her post)__, informed me that your company is recruiting...."
2)"My experience of overseas study hones me to be a self-motivated person and a fast learner. At the same time, I have undergone a good course of analyzing and presenting skills from my experience in the NUS Varsity Debate Team." Perhaps it could be edited to "Studying overseas made me a self-motivated person and a fast learner. As a debater in the NUS Varsity Debate Team, I was able to hone my analyzing and presenting skills."
3) "Apart from the experiences in school, I have also taken a few internships in different industries, such as IT start-ups, sales and marketing positions around Singapore,Malaysia and the U.S.A,Europe." This, I suppose, can be changed to "Apart from the experiences I gained in school, I also did a few internships in different industries, such as in IT Start-Ups, Sales and Marketing industries, which are located in Singapore, Malaysia, United States of America (U.S.A) and Europe."
4) "To benefit others and have a sense of accomplishment is how I wish I could be and is my exact career goal." Hmmm, I am just not sure what exactly you are trying to say here. It definitely can be changed to make it sound more concise and professional. Perhaps the others could help out here?
Otherwise, your letter does engage my attention and makes me want to read your resume!
Regards,
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!I have rephrase them to better ones.
For the 4th paragraph, i added it as to state why i apply for recruitment consulting industry but not others since my major is not related directly to consulting. However I didn't write clearly.
Is the edited paragraph better? Or should I just cut it off from the cover letter?
Thank u for your helpful suggestions!
^^
Hi Dongfang,
ReplyDeleteYes I agree that you have many good prior experiences! So envious. Hahaz (:
Some points that I've picked up on
1)"Being a scholarship-holder from China to Singapore since high school, I am able to quickly adapt to a new environment and I have learnt to work under pressure."
Perhaps, " Being a China scholar, I have studied in Singapore since high school. During this transition phrase, I am able to quickly adapt to new environments and work under pressure." or "Being a scholar from China, I have become a more resilent person through experiences such as learning to adapt to a totally foreign education system since my arrival in high school." might be a better way of phrasing it?
2) "Moreover, as a debater in the NUS Varsity Debate Team, I was able to hone my analyzing and presenting skills.."
Extra fullstop there (:
3) "My career goal is to benefit others and I believe working in recruitment consulting industry is like no other, because helping match people to the right organizations will directly influence their lives and I could do it everyday at Hays."
I think that there are too many points you are trying to put in this statement so it may get abit confusing. Maybe breaking it up into shorter sentences would be better?
Hope my suggestions would be of help! (:
Regards,
Jasmine