A Conflict between My Friend and Her Future Mother-In-Law

Last night, one of my best friends called and we talked overnight. She was very sad and needed someone to give her some suggestions on how she should resolve the conflicts between her and her fiancé, or more precisely, between her and her future mother-in-law. I have totally no idea how to help my friend, so I’m here to tell her story and ask for your suggestions.

My friend, Monica, met her boyfriend Andrew in a hall activity two years ago. Like every romance story, they fell in love at the first sight. Andrew was a gentleman and had a good sense of humor, and Monica was pretty and brilliant. They got along very well, and Andrew took Monica to meet his parents several times. Monica got quite well with Andrew’s family at the beginning. Everything went perfect. This summer, Andrew proposed and they planned to get married right after Andrew graduates from medicine school. In the meantime, Monica graduated and found a position in bank. The job paid her really well, but it also occupied most of her time. Monica became very busy. Since they were engaged, Andrew hoped Monica could get closer to his family, and even introduced Monica to his grandparents and the rest of his big family. They had quite a lot of gatherings, which Monica tried, despite her hectic schedule, to participate in. However, Andrew’s family still found it was hard to meet his fiancée, and Andrew’s mum had complained about it. However, Monica also felt that it is meaningless to visit Andrew’s family so frequently. She got tired of commuting from the city center to Andrew’s home in Yew Tee. It got especially tiresome, since it was common for her to have to work overtime.

The main conflict happened in early August. A male friend of Monica’s was waiting for campus accommodation, and had to sleep in Monica and her friend’s living room for about three days. Nothing occurred until Monica told this to Andrew’s mother in a casual conversation in another family gathering. His mother reacted extremely angrily about a male living in Monica’s home. She, in front of all family members, screamed at Monica, “You are such a profligate girl! How can you let other man live in your room? I won’t allow a dirty girl to enter my family!” Monica felt it was a total grievance that Andrew’s mum had judged her. She snapped back immediately. They had a huge quarrel that night, and Andrew’s mother slapped in Monica’s face in the end.

Andrew was caught in between the two women he cherished most in the world. He is the kind of person who never argues with his parents, so he went to reason with Monica. Monica, however, felt she did no wrong in the case, and insisted on her principles. She refused to apologize to Andrew’s mum. The couple broke up.

One week later after that night, both Monica and Andrew could not stand the grief of losing their soulmates, and decided to get back together. Monica persisted on not apologizing to Andrew’s mum, but forgave her misjudgment. Besides the fact that it was embarrassing to meet her mother-in-law, Monica still had a busy life. She got up at around six and got off from work at eleven every night. Her career just started and she felt much pressure. To visit Andrew’s family was so difficult for Monica, as she felt the time and psychological constraints. However, on Andrew’s part, he considered Monica narrowed-minded and disrespectful to his mother. They had a fight last night and broke up again.

The couple was supposed to get married next year, and it is extremely sad for them to go their separate ways. As friend of both, I also felt sorry. Monica is going to return Andrew the engagement ring. Should I stop her? Do you think there is irreconcilable conflict between them and do they deserve a break up? If not, what should Monica do to save the relationship? Monica and Andrew will appreciate it very much if you have advice for them.

Why effective communication skills are important for me?

Statistics shows, on average, girls talk three times as much as boys do. Women chalk up about 20,000 words a day, but men use only 7,000. When I saw this and told my best female friend, we stared to each other for a second and laughed out. Before that, we never realized our amount of word use is this far lager than male counterparts. I started to think about the reasons behind it, and questioned myself, while I talk so much every day, is my communication effective? My conclusion is not optimistic, and I know I need to improve my communication skills.

Foremost, I am not living in an isolated island. I need to communicate with my parents, siblings, and friends to exchange information, to share feelings, and to understand each other. I call home to let my family know how is my life, to ease them not to worry about me too much. I think we have sufficient communications; however, there are still misunderstandings. I remember last semester, I told my parents that I wanted to look for an internship to enrich myself and also to get some pocket money. It might because of the tone I used was not appropriate. They thought that I did not have adequate financial support for study and living. They then transferred money to my bank account and warned me to focus on academic study rather than earning money. I had to explain to them again the reason why internship is as important as study, and to comfort them I was doing well in university, as well as my financial status.

Effective communication skills are also applicable when there are conflicts between friends. It is virtually inevitable to have misunderstandings, argues, and even quarrel in a relationship. Whenever I had conflicts with my friends before, I took it for granted and assumed that they “should” understand me well; they “should” forgive me, and so on. However, as I grow up, I get to know how important mutual understanding is, and looking for a solution or a compromise is much better than cold wars. If I have certain effective communication skills then, I would not have so many regrets now.

Lastly, after I graduate, stepping into the society, there will be much communication between my bosses, colleagues, clients and me. I have to learn how to deliver the correct message, how to negotiate, persuade, how to talk in a proper way with clients, and the like. Fortunately, I still have time to equip myself through learning effective communication skills before confronting problems in reality.

As for me, effective communication is not only the crucial part of my daily life when sharing ideas with families and friends, solving conflicts in relationships, but also, it is a key skill that I must command for the development of my career.

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